De-Andrea Blaylock-Solar (she/her) is licensed in the State of Missouri as a Clinical Social Worker and LCSW supervisor, and is an AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist. She has worked in the field of behavioral health for over 15 years. As a graduate of Saint Louis University, she majored in social work and minored in theology before completing a Master of Social Work degree at Washington University in St. Louis.
She sees herself as a catalyst for positive change, serving as a collaborator and co-facilitator in healing and enjoys the journey of working with her clients. As the owner of Sankofa Sex Therapy, LLC, she works with individuals and those in all types of relationships and also provides therapy from a Christian perspective when requested.
She conducts workshops about sexuality and intimacy and is a member of the Leadership Collective of the Women of Color Sexual Health Network. She also serves as a Facilitator with Theater of War Productions, completing two off-Broadway runs of the critically-acclaimed Antigone in Ferguson. In addition to being #YourFavoriteSexTherapist, she is a published author, hunter of fabulous earrings, and a baby sneakerhead.
What We Talked About
On this episode, Erika Miley talks to De-Andrea Blaylock-Solar; she is a sex therapist, artist, and published author. De-Andrea is excited to be included as an author of the chapter of a fantastic book to be published in December 2021 with the title “An intersectional approach to sex therapy – Centering the lives of indigenous racialized people of color”.
While talking about her book De-Andrea explains that every chapter is written by a person of color who works in sexuality. Whether that is a sexuality educator, therapist, counselor, sex worker, and they are presenting the information based on different things within their culture.
· Erika says that it is hard for people to do big things, and people are familiar with impostor syndrome. The impostor syndrome is real when you try to do something that is not in your family tree.
· De-Andrea says that some of the work she has chosen to do is to help kind of “exit Jesus”, which is a big word for really looking at the Bible and like what it is saying within context.
· De-Andrea suggests to let us review and reframe our story, or our thoughts, about what the word says, so we can create a sexual theology that makes sense.
· Marriage, as it stands today, is an entirely different cultural and contextual change, and maybe a religious book, including the Bible, might be interacting in our sex lives, and we may be applying it where it doesn’t apply, says Erika.
· De-Andrea says, if we are able to use a foundation of the truth that “God loves me as I am,” you can kind of use that as a springboard to go a lot of different places because a lot of people end up turning away from their faith because they are told that they are not lovable by God.
· More resources are available for people who decide to turn from faith completely, and some people have a more expensive understanding of who God is or want to have an expensive understanding, says De-Andrea
· Erika asks, when you think about helping someone who comes into your office about connection to their body and then trying to understand that pleasure isn’t sin, how do you get there?
· Permission giving is altering the story you’re telling yourself, whether it is the story you’re telling yourself or it is the story heard from the church, says Erika.
· If you waited for sex until you met one person, you have no clue what pleasure means in your body period because you are probably taught that sensuality was a sin, says Erika.
· Erika asks, how do you think specifically that how can the church grow and change when it comes to sex?
· Jesus tells us to operate and move in love, and if we get back to the basics of operating out of love, it can be scary, but it’s not operating out of fear. Instead, operate in a space that provides that openness and that ability to explore, understand, ask questions, and admit when you don’t have the answers, says De-Andrea.
· The same story is told in different cultural contexts that we understand God in ways that make sense in our culture and language. It is the same God expressed through our culture, says De-Andrea.
How to find De-Andrea
The book: https://www.routledge.com/An-Intersectional-Approach-to-Sex-Therapy-Centering-the-Lives-of-Indigenous/Malone-Stewart-Gary-Smith-Wadley/p/book/9780367471958?fbclid=IwAR3nDqDUnwuzYk-nhGig3WWsvelC3kzWAUYF-E5SbA51EtZzXPN6jo4iFRs